THE RAINDANCERS - FOOTBALL
This is a football team made up of my favourite players. I
would, of course, manage the team and bring myself on from time to time to make
my customary charging runs up the wing before declaring myself unfit and
dragging myself as far away from the action as possible. Anyway, here is the
first eleven:
|
|
1. Ravelli |
|
|
|
15. Thuram |
22. Lalas |
4. Ivanov |
3. Maldini |
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11. Brolin |
9. Lechkov |
8. Johnston |
7. Sutter |
|
19.
Andersson |
18. Klinsmann
(c) |
||
And here is the entire squad of 23:
1. Thomas Ravelli (IFK Gothenburg, Sweden)
Ravelli was
the goalkeeper for the Swedish side that came third in the 1994 World Cup. His
highlight of the World Cup was his exploits in the quarter-final penalty
shoot-out against Romania, but I will always remember him during the
third-place play-off against Bulgaria when his antics had the crowd wrapped
around his finger and his skill had the goal as safe as a bank.
12. Rene Higuita (Colombia)
Two sides
of the one Rene Higuita. 1990 World Cup Colombia v Cameroon: Higuita makes one
of his customary runs up the field towards the centre circle when he is
dispossessed by Roger Milla who races away to put Colombia out of the World
Cup. 1995 Copa America: An opposition player makes a curling chip towards goal
that is heading straight for Higuita's chest. His method of handling the shot
is to leap forward and flip his legs forward over his head, thus kicking the
ball to safety with his heels before landing gracefully on his stomach. Both
Higuitas are welcome in my side any day.
23. Jorge Campos (Mexico)
The perfect
goalkeeper would have Higuita's flair, Ravelli's sense of humour and Campos'
dress sense. At. 5'4" or so, Campos is remarkably short for such a
goalkeeper, but if you think that it's only his self-designed multi-coloured
abstract-patterned shirts that draw attention to Campos, think again. Campos'
agility is possibly unmatched in world football and his throw-outs from goal
can reach distances of up to fifty metres. But it's definitely his shirts that
win him a place in the Raindancers' side.
15. Lillian Thuram (Parma, France)
Thuram had
never scored for France before the 1998 World Cup semi-final against Croatia, and
when early in the second half, he played Davor Suker onside to allow him to
take the lead for the Croats, Thuram's chances weren't getting any better. By
the end of the match, however, Thuram had scored twice, both goals the results
of quick raids down the right wing and strong ball control. His celebration
following the second goal was to run to the corner of the field and sit in a
contemplative pose, as though he might be deciding what to have for dinner.
3. Paolo Maldini (Milan, Italy)
Football is
about more than a game; it's about more than sport; it's even about more than
politics. It's about the survival of the human race because ultimately,
football is about sex! This is where Paolo Maldini comes in. Men come to see
him for his effortless style on the ball in attack and his deceptively smooth
defensive skills, women come to see him for his piercing blue eyes, then the
men hook up with the women, and presto! That takes care of the human race for
another couple of generations.
4. Trifon Ivanov (Rapid Vienna, Bulgaria)
Ivanov is
the anti-Paolo. He started the 1994 World Cup Finals with a small amount of
stubble on his face and no reputation to speak of. By the end of July, he had
gained the moniker "The Wolfman" due to his thick beard, semi-mullet
haircut and his deep-set haunting eyes. He had also gained the reputation as
one of the best defensive organisers and ruthless tacklers in world football.
His role in the quarter-final win over Germany keeping Messrs Klinsmann and
Riedle quiet spread fear into the hearts of strikers everywhere. Was also
Bulgaria's best player during Euro 96.
22. Alexi Lalas (USA)
Lalas would
play in the side as a central defender and would play in the band as a bass
guitarist. Lalas and Balboa were outstanding at the back for the USA during USA
'94, keeping Romario and Bebeto in check for most of their eighth-final clash
on Independence Day. Lalas, easily distinctive by his bushy red hair and
matching long red goatee, has that very Vilesian ability to look both 'cool'
and menacing. I can imagine opposition strikers fearing coming up against a
central defence comprising Ivanov and Lalas, how will they cope with all that
funky hair!?
2. Jorginho (Brazil)
It shows
how much we have come to expect from Brazilian sides when Jorginho was
described as ‘workmanlike’ in Brazil’s 1994 World Cup winning team. That he was
preferred to Cafú at right back was supposed to be a sign of expedience over
flair. Can someone explain to me, then, why every time I saw Jorginho play, he
was bringing the ball up the right wing at breakneck speed and playing the ball
through to the front of the midfield? Every time I saw him, he was attacking.
That’s my kind of defender.
6. Andreas Brehme (Inter Milan, Germany)
Ja, vee are
German, vat is your prablem? Brehme is your quintessential German efficiency
machine, not that he's boring to watch, mind you. His goal to eliminate Holland
in Italia '90 where he switched to his right foot to evade a defender and then
calmly curled the ball into the far side netting past Hans van Breukelen was an
exquisite piece of football. One of the standouts in that great West German
side.
20. Marcelo Balboa (USA)
Balboa was
the other half of the brilliant American central defence during their run at
the 1994 World Cup. He was a little slower than Lalas and even less flamboyant,
but he was a towering, menacing presence at the back with his slick black
half-ponytail and goatee, looking like he just stepped out of a Latin American
percussion troupe.
5. Colin Hendry (Blackburn Rovers, Scotland)
I’m not
normally a fan of Scottish players as they have a tendency to value hard work
and only hard work. Hendry doesn’t exactly break this mould either, but he does
always look as though he is enjoying his work. Hendry is never short of a smile
or a laugh which is not a bad effort when you are playing in the centre of
defence. His efforts in keeping Ronaldo and Bebeto out in the opening match of
the 1998 World Cup stand out in the memory.
11. Tomas Brolin (Parma, Sweden)
The smiling
Swede scored one of my favourite goals during Euro '92 in which he pierced the
English defence on a startling solo run before finishing with a deadly shot.
Also scored from a brilliantly manoeuvred free-kick against Romania in the '94
World Cup quarter-final when instead of his team-mate going for the direct
shot, he passed it forward to Brolin who was on the burst on the right-hand
side. Brolin simply bolted past the wall and shot the ball into the net. That's
why Brolin is in this side; he is probably the most creative goal
scorer I've seen in my lifetime.
9. Yordan Lechkov (Marseille, Bulgaria)
Bulgaria
were, with Romania, the best counter-attacking side in the world during the
1994 World Cup, and the prematurely bald (not that that's a bad thing) Yordan
Lechkov was so often the catalyst for these counter-attacks, setting up the
ball for Hristo Stoichkov. However, in the '94 World Cup quarter-final against
Germany, it was Lechkov who was the hero, heading home a cross from Stoichkov
on the right to give Bulgarian football it's greatest ever moment.
8. Craig Johnston (Liverpool, Australia)
Possibly my
favourite footballer, despite the fact that he made his fortune for the
cross-town rivals of my favourite team. Born in Johannesburg, South Africa and
raised in Newcastle, New South Wales (the city of my birth), Johnston was a
creative man both on and off the field. He showed delicate touch in midfield,
driving the Liverpool team forward for nearly a decade, and off the field, he
wrote sections of both "Anfield Rap" and New Order's "World in
Motion" as well as designing a TV game show ("The Main Event").
Was part of an April Fools' Day joke in 1988 when Wide World of Sports ran a
story on him trialling for the Parramatta Eels rugby league team. The story
included footage of him nailing a goalkicking drill in which he had five league
balls set up for place kicks 22m out and 15m in from the left hand touchline.
Daryl Halligan, eat your heart out!
7. Alain Sutter (Freiburg, Switzerland)
Once again,
groovy hair wins a place in the Raindancers' squad, in this case, long flowing
blond hair with the top part tied back in a neat ponytail. He was also the
lynchpin of the Swiss side during the 1994 World Cup, who promptly exited when
he was sidelined through injury. His quick runs down the left wing and incisive
crosses to the strikers were dazzling to watch. Even more so when you consider
the hair!
13. Steve McManaman (Liverpool, Real Madrid, Manchester
City, England)
You
probably have a head-start in getting a Raindancers jersey if you are Melanie
Chisholm’s (aka Sporty Spice aka Talented Spice) favourite player. McManaman
supported Everton as a boy and then went and played for Liverpool, which is a
capital offence in my book, but his runs down the right wing were sublime. I
enjoyed his play even more when Kevin Keegan used him at Man City as a link-man
between the midfielders and strikers. He’s certainly got the necessary flair
for this side.
14. Kim Vilfort (Brondby, Denmark)
One week
before the 1992 European Championships in Sweden began, Yugoslavia was told to
withdraw from the tournament due to the war in the Balkans. Denmark was invited
to take their place. Kim Vilfort had been planning to stay in hospital with his
ill son during the summer, but took his place in the Danish side, although he
did miss one match to return to Denmark upon hearing of a worsening of his
son's condition. When his son saw Vilfort at the hospital, he immediately told
him to get back to Sweden so he could watch his Dad play football! Vilfort did
return to Sweden, and in the final against Germany, he scored with 12 minutes
to go, giving Denmark a 2-0 lead and the European Championship.
16. Georghe Hagi (Galatasaray, Romania)
Yet another
star of the 1994 World Cup in this team, Hagi's genius can probably be best
illustrated in his greatest goal. In the opening group game against tournament
dark horses Colombia, Hagi finished a swerving run through the midfield by
crossing to the right of goal from 25 metres out. At least, everyone thought it
was a cross, that's where Hagi was looking, wasn't it? But as the ball sailed
over Oscar Cordoba's head into the back of the net and all eyes turned back
towards Hagi (who had already started his celebration), it became all too clear
that that ball had not gone anywhere except where Hagi had decided it would go.
19. Kennet Andersson (Bologna, Sweden)
Yes, I
couldn't possibly have a Raindancers side without he of the "Aussie-Rules
goal signal" goal celebration. I'm not entirely sure where he picked that
up from, (Australia perhaps), but it made him one of the real personalities of
the 1994 World Cup. That is, however, not to ignore his clinical finishing
qualities, which gave him the opportunity to indulge in a few goal celebrations
in the first place.
18. Jürgen Klinsmann (Bayern Munich, Tottenham, Germany)
Has there
been a greater German footballer than this man? Oh sure, Beckenbauer was a
better player, but he was far too.... well, German! Klinsmann was at long odds
to win over the Tottenham faithful when he transferred to London for the
1994-95 season. His theatrical diving for penalties had had severe consequences
for England at the 1990 World Cup and also for a few English sides in European competition.
However, when he left in June 1995, Spurs fans were in tears. His showmanship
and self-deprecating sense of humour had made him one of the most popular
footballers in Britain. His triumph as German captain at Euro 96 was a fitting
reward for this clinical finisher, inspiring leader and gentleman. And yes, in
this squad, he is allowed to wear his favourite number 18 shirt.
10. Martin Dahlin (Blackburn, Sweden)
The first
black man to play for Sweden and arguably its finest striker. First surfaced at
Euro 92 and enhanced his reputation as a strong finisher and jolly good sport
at USA 94. I wish that Sweden had taken Brazil on in their semi-final and
unleashed their forwards at the Brazilian defence. They had drawn the group
game with Brazil 1-all using those tactics, and that was without
Dahlin! Dahlin had the physical strength and the finishing skill to take on
Dunga, Marcio Santos and co. and maybe Sweden would have been World Champions
if they hadn't been so conservative. At any rate, Dahlin would never be kept
under wraps under MY management!
21. Christian Vieri (Italy)
Vieri is
not the prettiest player on a football field, but it is wrong to say that he is
without style. His first touch is usually described more as effective (it
usually goes into the net!) than stylish, but there is definitely something in
Vieri’s play that is very watchable. His goal celebrations are usually notable
for their understatement (sitting cross-legged in contemplation, for example).
It doesn’t hurt that he spent a fair bit of his youth in Australia. There has
to be at least one cricket fan in the squad.
17. Brian Laudrup (Rangers, Denmark)
Brian
Laudrup stepped out of the shadow of his older, more celebrated brother Michael
during Euro 92 when Michael wouldn't play under coach Richard Moller Nielsen.
Brian, 23 at the time, seized the chance to be a star and was one of Denmark's
best in their European Championship success. At France '98, he was at it again,
leading the Danes to the quarter-finals where they gave Brazil a fright before
bowing out. His goal celebration after scoring in that game in which he lay on
the ground in a swimsuit model pose proves that he has the necessary flair to
be a Raindancer.
Other players who were considered for the squad are as
follows:
Goalkeepers: Dave Beasant, Bernard Lama, Michel Preud’homme, Neville Southall
Sweepers: Franz Beckenbauer, Hong Myung-bo
Right Backs: Ferdinand Coly, Joseph Yobo
Left Backs: Roberto Carlos, Taribo West, Marc Wingell
Centre Backs: Slaven Bilic
Right Midfielders: David Beckham, Harald Cerny, Figo, Thomas Häßler, Erik Mykland, Trevor Sinclair, Gaston Taument
Left Midfielders: Denilson, Ryan Giggs, Jahn Ivar Jakobsen, Cobi Jones, Leonardo
Central Midfielders: Zvonimir Boban, Dietmar Kühbauer, Attilio Lombardo, Hakan Mild, Augustine ‘Jay-Jay’ Okocha, Emmanuel Petit, Michel Platini, Vasily Rats, Zinedine Zidane
Strikers: Daniel Amokachi, Johan Cruyff, Frank
Farina, Tor Andre Flo, Thierry Henry, Nandor Hidegkuti, Socrates, Luis Alves
“Zague”
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